Current Standings

At the end of our first week on Phase 2, I figured I'd do a little update blog to let you know where we're at.

First, I need to tell you that I have totally been doing a half-assed Phase 2 here. The numbers are going down, but not very quickly. Mostly due to those string cheese sticks in my fridge and the walnut delights that used to be on my counter. *burp*

On to the stats!

I have lost my loading weight.  That's about it. (My own fault, I'm fine with it. Pass the Dove sugar free caramels.)

Paul is down 9.2 pounds. NINE POINT TWO. IN SIX DAYS.

Good stuff going on over here. 

Now my Irish is up and the competition is on.  He's still going to kick my ass, but at least my ass will be skinnier when we're done. 

Okay, I lied...

I'm doing another round of HCG.

Wait, hear  me out!

My husband has decided to do a round, and I am being super-supportive, by doing it with him.  He'd like to lose about 20-30 pounds (which, I have no doubt, being a man, he can do in one stupid round. Grrrr). I'll be happy if I lose these last 10 stubborn pounds, but since this round wasn't exactly my idea, I'm not too married to that number.

That's got an up side and a down side. The good part is that I am totally non-stressed about the number on the scale. In fact, I didn't even weigh myself before or after I loaded. I weighed myself today, after my first day of VLCD and am up very slightly from where I was at the end of my last round. Probably still loading weight I'm taking off.

I might weigh tomorrow. I might not. Very freeing, all told.

The down side is that I'm having a hard time staying committed. I've been cheating little bits here and there. One of my friends calls it "Phase 2 plus cookies." I call it "Phase 2 plus walnut delights." (Thank you, dear MIL, for bringing them over this weekend. Now if I could just stop EATING them! LOL)

My husband is the picture of HCG Protocol. He isn't eating anything he's not supposed to, very carefully weighs out his meals, and doesn't seem to be hungry at all.

I am hungry.  No, that's not entirely true. I'm MUNCHY, but not always hungry.

Anyway, here we go again.  More to come. :-)

Ten pounds left, but the chocolate won't let me go!

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Holding steady at 20 pounds gone. That's fine. According to my super awesome scale, I'm also retaining water like that kid from WonderTwins.  (Have you ever seen my brother and I do our Wonder Twins impersonation? Oh you totally have to. I'll video tape it one day.)

I'm having a hard time with The Munchster this round. I did great last time, but this time, I am finding that it's easier for me to pop little things into my mouth throughout the day. I have a particularly hard time when I'm cleaning the kitchen. Or walking through the kitchen. Or thinking about the kitchen.

I'm not having huge binge cheats. The bag of Doritos I didn't get to when I was loading is still there, unopened. But, I'll snag a Hershey Kiss from my kids' snack box. Or...ugh...I found a chewy Werther's in my cabinet yesterday and snarfed it before I could even blink. 

WTH?  Trying to get my head back on straight, because these last ten pounds are going to fight me every single way possible. Sneaking pieces of chocolate isn't going to encourage my body to release them any quicker. 

So, today, lunch will be chicken soup, which I'm really looking forward to, because I've got a wicked cold coming on.  How about you? What's for lunch, folks?

Some of my favorite P3 foods!

Somehow it just occurred to me while I was at the grocery store the other day that I can have Caprese salads again. I love me a good Caprese salad.  Tomatoes aren't exactly in season right now, but there are still plenty to be had at Shoprite, albeit, not the big, tender, juicy ones I generally prefer.  So, I got my mozzerella cheese, my tomatoes and a big bunch of basil, and headed home.

Two days in a row, now, I've had a Caprese salad for lunch. (I should mention, Caprese salads used to be an appetizer for me. My stacks of mozz, tomato and basil would be quickly followed by a rich yummy pasta dish. Or something deep fried and drowned in a cream sauce.  Now? A Caprese salad fills me up.  Astounding.)  This has led me to want to make a quick list of some of my favorite meals and snacks that I've been munching on Phase III. So, in addition to the aforementioned Caprese salad, I've also been gnoshing on:

• Strawberries with sugar free whipped cream. Sometimes chocolate sugar free whipped cream. I'm not a big fan of artificial sweeteners, so I make this myself, and add a few drops of liquid stevia for sweetness.
• Ice cream! Again, I make my own, by combining frozen berries with some cream and a little liquid stevia in  my food processor. I actually started making this on Phase II, using my tablespoon of milk, instead of the cream. I like it both ways.
• Tomatoes with melted mozzerella. Close to a Caprese salad, I know. But it's WARM. And sometimes I need something WARM. 
• Tea and/or Coffee with Irish Cream. I did an experiment the first time I did it, to see if I'd gain. And I didn't. Woohoo!
• Cheese and pepperoni. I used to eat this with a cracker, but I can't have crackers right now. I've come to see that I like it just fine without the cracker.
• Turkey kielbasa and sauerkraut. This is the only non-protocol meat I've added in regularly. I've missed kielbasa a bunch. Well, I am part Polish, you know. I'm also part Irish, which explains the Irish Cream above.
• Cheesecake.  Oh I am so not kidding. I've got a few slices of strawberry cheesecake (again, sweetened with stevia) in my fridge, hoping I'll snarf it down after dinner. I will not disappoint!
• Soda. Homemade soda, derived from seltzer and FLAVORED liquid stevia. 

You know, a word about stevia, before I wrap up. (That is in no way a complete list of what I'm eating. Just giving you an idea LOL) If you go to the supermarket and get that powdered stevia crap, it is GODAWFUL. Powdered stevia is the reason I'm not munching on snickerdoodles and peanut butter cookies. Because I baked them. But I used the powdered stevia and they are GROSS.  However, the liquid stevia is amazing and I use it for all my sweetening needs. I doubt I'll go back to sugar in my tea and coffee when this is all over. I also doubt I'll go back to cans of coke, when I can make awesome root beer, cream, and even grape soda out of flavored stevia and seltzer.  

A few drops is all it takes, no lie. AND WHATEVER YOU DO.... DO NOT TRY THE LIQUID STEVIA STRAIGHT.  Your eyes will roll back in your head and you'll send me hate mail. Make sure you put a few drops in some tea or coffee or something to try it. It is SO sweet that you just cannot deal with it straight up.  Please trust someone who was stupid enough to do it for you.

In other news, I am feeling very munchy, which can only mean one thing.... Almost time for my monthly inconvenience, which means, ALMOST TIME FOR MY NEXT ROUND! WOOHOO!!

Stress Makes Me Want To Eat My Face Off

I promised a friend a blog about what I'm planning on doing over the holidays. I'll get to it. As Joey says "I never give up on my promises."  She lies by the way, she keeps promising to put her dirty socks in the hamper, but I keep finding them on her floor. Liar.

No, right now, I am blogging in an effort to murder the Munchster, who is picking away at my gut, at my brain, at my very soul.  Why is the Munchster so strong this morning? Well, this is the first day I've had lots of significant stress since I've gone on protocol.  And, as it says in the title, stress makes me want to eat my face off. Or your face off. Whichever is more convenient, really.

Oh, Great Sharini, what could possibly be bad enough to move you from your zen like diet state to this raging lunatic who just checked the garbage to make sure her kids really ate their poptarts this morning?

There was normal morning stress. "Joey stop swinging from the top bunk and get your clothes on." "Kimmie, don't chase the dog with the broom, it is NOT a brush!" "Has anyone seen mommy's keys?"

And then, backing out of the driveway this morning, my daughter screamed my name. Or, well, her name for me. "MOMMY!" Quick, and sharp and loud. I jumped ten feet through the sunroof and my hand slipped off the wheel, and I hit the telephone pole across the street.

I decided to check the bumper when I got back from dropping her off at school, and was more than relieved to see NO DAMAGE.  Until I walked over to the side of the bumper that actually made contact with the telephone pole. Yeah, that wasn't so pretty. Cracked the corner of my bumper.

Balls.

Then I get an email from my bank, to let me know that I"m below the balance threshold I indicated in my account. Huh. By how much, I wonder. Well, by almost $200, apparently!  My bank decided this would be a great month to begin charging me a $15 service fee with no warning. So, I bounced a grand total of five tiny transactions. At thirty five bucks a pop. Yeah. So, that song I downloaded from Amazon the other day? No longer $0.99. Now it's $35.99. (It was Joey McIntyre singing "The Way You Look Tonight."  I kind of think that one is worth every penny. Don't judge me.)  The $3 box of epsom salts I picked up at CVS? Right, $38.

When I called my husband to tell him about the car, I was kind of ready for a bit of a tirade.  Instead he said "Is everyone okay?" I was like, "Yeah, everyone's okay. I was backing out of the driveway, not doing 70 on 287." And he was all "Well, that's what matters. We can fix the car."

When I sent him a text message about the bank snafu, he didn't respond. He may have hit his limit of understanding. Even SuperHusband has a limit, I suppose.

In addition to this, my computer doesn't have MS Office. Which is an ongoing problem, but one that's caused me stress the past couple of days. (Santa? A Mac? Please?)

Also? My house is a disaster. The baby's nose is running away from her face, she's still in her footie pajamas (albeit with a hat and scarf on, left over from our mad dash to get Joey to school), there are toys everywhere and boxes and boxes of Christmas all over the kitchen and dining room. Because I haven't finished decorating yet.  Also? Unopened boxes from UPS on the front porch. They contain presents for my kids and my kids are ALWAYS RIGHT HERE, so I can't open them. Besides, I'm too busy digging through the garbage for poptarts.

Munchster, I hate you, and you cannot defeat me! Not even on Christmas! (I promise, that blog's next.)

There's More Than One Reason We Start With Loading!

Well, my loss has stalled. Temporarily. Thank you, Eve, for eating the apple and cursing the rest of us with monthly issues that cause us to soak up water like a sponge. The good news is, when this is over, I'll probably show a huge loss.

So, I wanted to talk about loading today. Because it sounds like it should be a big lot of fun, no? Eating whatever you want. Hey, eating MORE than whatever you want. I'm not kidding, I ate chips and dip with a spoon. And polished off almost an entire pumpkin pie on my own. My brother made the pumpkin pie, by the way. He is FULL of surprises.

I'll tell you what, the first day was awesome. It was Thanksgiving. I ate while I cooked. I ate while I watched the parade. Then we went to my brother and sister-in-law's house. They got a whole wheel of brie for me. Because I love cheese. Second only to my family. I ate almost the entire wheel myself. And of course, there was turkey, and green bean casserole, and stuffing and pies and tarts, and all kinds of yummy yummy fattening food.

Yeah, Thanksgiving was kind of awesome.

The day after Thanksgiving, I was still loading. It started to lose some of the luster. I was kind of sick of gorging myself. I felt bloated and fat, and uncomfortable. And my body was making unpleasant noises and smells. But, I set a goal for myself on Friday, to polish off anything in the house that would tempt me come Saturday. So, I downed half a case of cherry Coke, as well as a couple cans of ginger ale. I finished off the Thanksgiving leftovers. And hit those chips and dip. With a spoon.

Let me tell you my favorite part of loading. Giving myself permission to just eat whatever I wanted to. For years, I've been silently judging myself for every single bite that passed my lips. Not on those two days. I had permission to eat and eat and eat some more. And not just to eat, but to eat the absolute worst foods I could find. So, when I dug into that dip with that spoon, I wasn't feeling guilt, or anger, or shameful. I was feeling joyful and hopeful. I remember thinking to myself, "The fat in this dip is going to help fuel my body tomorrow." I wasn't just eating to eat. I was eating with purpose.

That was my introduction to eating with purpose. It was the first time I've ever done that. I mean, aside from purposefully drowning my feelings in a bag of Cheetos and a gallon of soda.

And the eating with a purpose continues. On the HCG Protocol, you can't mindlessly eat. I mean, you can, but you'll put weight on faster than you can say "Oh crap! I accidentally ate a box of chocolates!" You have to remember that the HCG is releasing the fat on your body, IF you need it to be released. If you don't? It'll hold on to it, as well as the food you overate. So, it's beyond important to stick to the diet in the protocol. This cannot be stressed enough.

I never realized how many mindless calories I dump in my mouth throughout the day until I started the protocol. When I cook dinner, I'm a taster. If I pass a box of chocolates in the pantry, I'll stop and grab one. I mean, what can one chocolate hurt? When my kids don't finish their dinner, I do it for them. Because, I mean, what am I supposed to do? Let it go to WASTE?

I'm more aware of my natural tendency to munch. And being aware of it is the first step to overcoming it. So, I am OVERCOMING my natural tendency to munch.

See, this is how this is working. Because I can't munch when the urge presents itself, I have to, instead, deal with whatever's going on that's causing the Munch-ster. (That's the Munch Monster. Just, shortened.) I have to identify my feeling, then identify what's causing the feeling, and deal with it.

Guess what? When I do that, the Munchster goes away.

When you're limited to 500 calories a day, you really start to pay attention to your body's cues. If I feel hungry, I check to see if I'm really hungry, or if my body is trying to deal with something that my mind should be dealing with.

The other day, I got into a, um, "disagreement" with my Joey. Poor Joey disagrees just like her mom. Loudly. So, yeah, we yelled at each other. For a while. She hates me, wants a new mommy, I'm mean, yadda yadda yadda. This stuff hurts me. She doesn't mean it, but oh my God, it hurts. Now, we've established in previous blogs that I'm an emotional eater. Although, I kind of recently figured that out myself. So, it still surprised me, when, after yelling at my daughter to "Stay on your bed until your father gets home!" (which was five hours away. I don't mean the crap I say when I'm mad, either.), I found myself standing in the middle of my kitchen, literally spinning around, trying to figure out what to do next.

I needed to calm down. I needed to calm down and go take my baby in my arms and love on her and apologize for losing my temper so we could begin to heal from this latest dent in our relationship. But, how could I calm down when I couldn't grab a soda from the fridge, or a chip (or 18), or a cookie (or 12)? I was at a loss. Spinning around in my kitchen, at a loss as to what to do next.

It suddenly hit me that I am an adult who has no control over my emotions, and it's kind of ridiculous to expect my daughters to be able to reign themselves in, when I can't do it without a popcorn covered brownie.

I wasn't hungry. But I wanted to eat. Because I was angry, and hurt, and upset. And I didn't know what else to do.

I did calm down, eventually. And that's kind of a dramatic example. But that type of thing happens all day every day for me. I'll suddenly want to eat and then need to step back and ask myself, "Wait, are you hungry? Or what else is going on?" I found myself reaching for Kimmie's baby carrots when a friend told me she had to cancel a trip we'd been planning together. I wasn't hungry. I was sad. I went for Joey's leftover oatmeal while I was hurrying around to get her out the door to school. I wasn't hungry. I was stressed.

These are things I'm learning to identify, that I've never been able to identify before. And these are the things that are going to help me keep the weight off once it's all gone.