I'm going to share some information that might make my husband blush. He'll have to deal with that.
So, back when we were dating, I had these jeans. They were black Bongo jeans. They had the typical early 90's high waist and tapered leg. Apparently, they did great things for my ass. I know this, because, almost 20 years later, if I say to my husband, "Hey, remember those jeans?" he perks up and says "Oh, The Black Jeans?"
Yeah, The Black Jeans.
When I nearly lost my mind because I was wearing size 12 jeans at Christmas, he said "When will you fit back in The Black Jeans?"
When my favorite ever size 10 jeans fit up over my hips, he said "You are really doing great. But, um, when will you fit back in The Black Jeans?"
When I could button those size 10's, guess what he said?
Don't get me wrong, Paul is the most wonderful, loving and supportive husband ever. When I first decided to start this diet, he challenged me to a contest to see which of us would lose the most weight. He dropped out when I plowed past him, but you know, he got my competitive juices flowing. He is totally on board, completely behind me.
Part of it is because he loves me. Part of it is The Black Jeans.
So, I got my butt into my favorite size 10 jeans. I don't mean that out of all my size 10 jeans these are my favorites. I mean that out of all the jeans I have ever owned in my entire life, these size 10s are my favorite. I can wear them every day if I want to, now. I do, actually, wear them ALL THE TIME.
Right around the time that I realized I could pull them up, zip and button them, and still be able to breathe, I started to have problems staying on protocol. I didn't see it at the time, but taking a step back and staring it down, now I can see that my self-sabotage had kicked in. And it had brought reserves.
Well, first of all, let me say that, I think we all have a bit of the self-sabotage bug in us. How many times in your life have you been so close to something you wanted... so close you could almost touch it... only to have it fall out of your reach. And when you think about it, was there something you could have done to change that? Yeah, that's self-sabotage. Maybe a less violent form than what most people would think of as self-sabotage. But that's it. Maybe you were shooting for a promotion and then forgot an important report. (Maybe you didn't even forget it, so much as you just never got around to it?) Maybe you were losing weight, and could see your goal on the horizon, only to end up at McDonald's for lunch. And, hey, once you ate that Big Mac....
So, I know I have a tendency towards self-sabotage. I was waiting for it to show up, and here it is.
But, you know, this was more than self-sabotage. I mentioned reserves, and guess what they were? Complacency. Comfort. I was content. I was fitting in my favorite jeans again. Why on earth was I still trying to lose weight?
I realized this little bit of slime was worming its way through my subconscious one day while I was chatting with a couple friends. And when I realized it, I was determined, right at that second to kill it.
And I thought of The Black Jeans.
The original pair of Black Jeans were a size five. Well, now, I've had two kids and my hips have spread a bit. I think a size five might be a little unrealistic and I don't want to set myself up for failure, which will just kick my self-sabotage back into gear. So, I went for a size seven.
Apparently, Bongo doesn't make the exact same jeans anymore. No more high waists. Which, like, okay. It is 2011 and not 1992. And, I am destroying my muffin top, little by little. So, I ordered a pair of low waist, SKINNY black Bongo jeans. In size seven.
I gave myself something to work for; something to look forward to. The numbers on the scale weren't enough for me anymore. I needed something tactile to move towards.
The Black Jeans.
Then I moved to Phase III, so I wouldn't do any damage till I got my head on straight.
So, The New Black Jeans arrived, and just to see how far I had to go, I threw myself into the bathroom and pulled them up.
Did you catch that? I PULLED THEM UP!
No, of course I can't button them or zip them just yet. BUT I PULLED THEM UP!
I'm feeling ready to jump back in again. Thank goodness. I'm 145 pounds, a little over 20 pounds gone. That is nothing to sneeze at, but it's not where I want to be. I know I can lose more than this, and I want to. In fact, I've been rethinking my goal. I've been saying 135 all along, but really? I think I can go down a little further, and give maybe even give myself a little leeway to gain some back.
Now, when I say "gain some back", I'm talking muscle mass and not fat. I have plans to start jogging this spring, and I'm saving part of my tax returns for P90X, I think.
Wow, I am looking forward to physical activity. I can't even tell you when the last time was that I was looking forward to physical activity. Probably last time I was in the Original Black Jeans. Hmm, wonder if there is a correlation there? ;-)
I'm going to spend some time putting together a menu for next week today or tomorrow. Lianne is thinking of putting meal plans up on My HCG Cooking Blog, so don't forget to check her out and subscribe for new posts. Oh, she's got a Facebook page, too! So go "like" her. Yay for delicious, EASY, HCG friendly food!
One other thing I wanted to mention is that it seems Amazon has pulled most of the HCG they carried, including the D140 that I've gotten for this round. You don't have to buy it from Amazon, if it turns out to be awesome. Once I finish guinea pigging it for you, I'll find a good, reputable, and reliable resaler for everyone who is interested. Unless it sucks. And then we're all going back to EVOKE.